Often times, people never realize how hard it is to save a sinking relationship until they’re in the situation themselves. Unfortunately, most people think that their relationship is beyond any repair. They just wallow in the corner and watch it plummet into the dumps, turning their bright blue sky into a sad dark night.

But, even those unions that are shadowed with deceit, heartache, pain and hurtfulness can still be salvaged so long as both you and your partner work together as a team and agree on one single thought: your relationship is worthy of revitalization. If you both will it, there will always be a way.

Well, if you don’t agree on anything that we say in this article, perhaps redeeming your relationship is futile. It is like how some women feel about Botox: painful and unnecessary.

However, if there’s a willingness coming from you and your partner, here are four relationships saving tips that will make your rescue mission a bit easier. It’s not going to be a walk in the park, but it will not be a walk to the Hell either.

Be true to yourself most especially with your intentions. Do you consider yourself in the “intent to protect” department or is your intention primarily to learn?

Is your intention the former? And by that we mean, protection from your own fears coupled with a controlling behavior like criticism, anger, compliance, blame, withdrawal of love or resistance. What’s more valuable to you, having power over your partner and win any argument you have with them or loving your partner and yourself? Are you passing on the blame to your partner? Are you more inclined to get affection and love and avoid any rejections?

Or is your intention the latter and that’s loving not only yourself but your partner as well. Are you more enthusiastic about being mutual, rather than winning, being right or always having your way? Is learning in this entire process weighs more to you than getting an approval to what you do?

The intent to learn, obviously, is more important than the other. If you chose otherwise, you’ll have zero chances of redeeming your relationship. You’ll continue to re-create the exact same problems you’re trying to veer away from with your controlling behavior.

Liberate Yourself from the Past. Part of the intent to protect is hanging on to old gripes. Take responsibility to what happened with your relationship. Stop passing on the blame to your significant other, regardless if they made a contribution to your relationship’s downfall.

Back Off from Conflict As Soon As Your Partner Is No Longer Open to Learning. Unless both of you and your partner are open to the learning process, there’s hardly any point to sitting down and talking out your problems and issues. If you’re more than willing to work things out but your partner is not, then throw in the towel. It’s going to be futile to resolve a dispute. At this point, figure out unilaterally how to love yourself more despite your partner’s own choices.

Keep an eye on your own side of the table, sharing nothing but yourself and the learning you gained. As Elsa, the Snow Queen, would say “let it go, let it go,” maybe it’s time for you to do the same: let go of defining and analyzing your other half. Your role is to define yourself and not your significant other. You’ll realize that the more you focus on your inner worth and let go of defining your partner, you’ll have better chances of redeeming and salvaging your sinking relationship.