If you’re like me, you spent most of your life being a good borrower – you had easy access to car loans and credit cards. Qualified for your mortgage loan. Paid your bills on time. And then, something happened in your life and that got flipped over entirely. Now, you can’t pay your bills. EVERYone is calling you to get paid. All of those calls just keep happening and before long, you feel trapped. As the calls keep coming – every day, from every creditor, sometimes more than once a day – you also start feeling shame and guilt. Fear sets in.

Deal with the fear first.

Fear is always caused by the unknown. You’ve probably never experienced the collection call trap. When it’s raining down on you, what you find out is that something’s happening to you that everyone else seems to be in on – and that you know absolutely nothing about. That’s how it was for me. I was pulled into a process that I had never experienced and much of my fear was about not knowing what was going on or how to deal with it.

As simple as this sounds, the first thing you should do is – admit to yourself and your family the situation you’re in and be honest with everyone what you do and don’t know about it. The guilt and shame of collections is something we bring on ourselves, by hiding what’s going on. Once you let your family (and select friends) know what’s happening, you not only are free from being alone in this, you might actually get some support as well.

One thing the family will not have missed is how often your phone is now ringing. Did you know that you can take immediate steps to make that stop? You have the right to tell collectors – either answer their call and tell them directly, or write to them at their address – to communicate with you ONLY in writing. That will take some work and time on your part, but the end result is that the phone will stop ringing. You’ll still have the debt to worry about, but the pressure of the phone call goes away.

Finally, accept where you are. You’re responsible. You’re good people. You’ve made your share of mistakes. You’re not perfect. But you have unpaid debt now and you’ll need to work hard to deal with this new situation and work through each debt. But first, admit that you are where you are and the those bill collectors haven’t just picked you at random.

Tell the family. Stop the calls. Be honest with yourself. That’s a start to taking the pressure off. Now roll up your sleeves and deal with the rest!