“Hate Can Lead To The Death of a Negotiation”

Have you ever been so engulfed by hate when negotiating that you couldn’t think straight? Later, in a more calmer state of mind, you thought about responses you could have given that would have made the negotiation more palatable, more pleasant, more amenable per the outcome you sought. You’re wise enough to know, hate can lead to the death of a negotiation. You can prevent hate from hijacking your mind when negotiating by doing the following.

Forethoughts:

• Hate is a very strong emotion.

Hate clouds the mind and thus the judgment of your decisions. That being a truism, you should know what triggers a shift in your emotional state of mind; that shift should be known from a good and bad perspective. Having such insights and being able to control them will give you greater control during the negotiation.

• Be mindful not to view the other negotiator through a tainted lens.

Have you ever viewed someone through the lens of expectation? You may have thought, she’s just like ‘x’; I know what she’s like. The residue of your expectations will color your perspective of that person. Meanwhile, the person may not be anything like what you expected.

When you view the other negotiator through a tainted lens, you lose your ability to be subjective. Doing that can lead to misperceptions of intent, which in turn can turn the negotiation into a dark dead-end alley that eventually leads to the death of the negotiation.

• Know your mind and that of the other negotiator.

Everyone is an individual. While many people may have similar thoughts that cause them to be viewed similarly, if you note the nuances that differentiate that person from his identified group, you can see the differences that person possesses from the group. To do so, you must know his mind and how he thinks. The same must also be true about you; you should understand what motivates you to adopt a particular action over another, and who you’re with when doing so. Such insights will give you a greater understanding of the psychological forces that motivate you and the other negotiator. Once identified, you’ll also have greater insights into the mental levers of psychological power you can use to manipulate yourself and him during the negotiation.

Be empathic:

• Be willing to discuss emotions, while keeping an open mind.

Knowing you’re different from others is to know that they have their differences. If you keep an open mind, you’ll be capable of understanding the other negotiator. Thus, you can state at the beginning of the negotiation that you know he and you may see things differently, but you’re willing to enter into the negotiation with an open mind; be sure that you get his buy-in to do the same.

• Know when it’s time to walk away.

Let’s be realistic. Due to the mindset of some people, you may not be able to reach an amicable outcome in a negotiation. Although you may empathize with someone’s perspective, know when to walk away; don’t be belligerent as you do. Always attempt to be respectful, understanding that a negotiation may reconvene at another time. As such, don’t poison the future with incendiary words today.

Sometimes a slammed door is the opening sound of opportunity. When you slam the door on hate in your negotiations you’ll be opening a door through which understanding can enter… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.