Everyone wants to love and be loved. Love is a basic human need. We all deserve love. Nowadays, there are a number of dating coaches and matchmakers that each have their own spin on what we should be doing to attract our partner. While everyone wants love, I believe that who we are, our beliefs and perceptions all play a part in who we tend to date. It pretty much boils down to us. The more we work on ourselves, the better we are, the better we become. Self-improvement is an ongoing process. There is nothing wrong with being single. I believe it’s better to wait for the best than rush and settle for less. To some degree, I think some of us spend more time fantasizing about the perfect person rather than reality. The reality is that there is no perfect person and relationships take work. Mature adult relationships require mature adult behavior. With that being said, here are some reasons why I think you might still be single.

You’re afraid of love or not ready. Some of us have been hurt in the past and we’re afraid of being hurt again. It makes sense. However, you don’t fall in love with a closed heart. If you have a wall up, then love can’t enter. You have to be open to love. You have to be open to receive love. We all talk about love, think about love, and desire to be in love. Yet when people show up in our lives to love us, we sabotage it because we’re still holding onto the past or we haven’t healed from the past. So you’re not really ready for love. Love actually requires you to open up and be vulnerable. There are emotions involved. That can be scary if you’ve been hurt before but if you want real love, transparency and vulnerability are necessary. Engaging on an emotional level is necessary. Isn’t that what you want the other person to do? You can’t expect someone to be open with you if you’re not open and not even coming in with the right mindset.

You’re asking for what you aren’t. You want someone to love you as you are and accept you with all your flaws and imperfections but you are extremely judgmental and expect perfection. That’s a skewed perception. A lot of us are asking for qualities in a partner that we are nowhere near. So we have to work on ourselves. We have to become what we’re trying to attract. Yes, there is no perfect person but I do believe we can improve ourselves to where we’re at least reasonable in asking for the things we seek in another. We need to be honest with ourselves about what we’re bringing to the table. It’s not always about money. Money can’t buy things like loyalty, trust, encouragement, etc. I’m not saying money isn’t important by no means. However, you can have a big bank account but still feel empty inside and come home to an empty house.

What you want isn’t what you need. Many of us have things we want because someone told us that those are things we should want. If we look at our past relationships based on what we’ve said we wanted and every last one of them didn’t work out for similar reasons, then that might be a clue that what you want may not be necessarily what you need. A guy I know once said that he wanted a light-skinned girl with a big butt. He said he hasn’t gotten that to this day. He said because God gives you what you need. Maybe what we’re asking for is surface-based and that’s why there’s never been a real emotional connection with anyone. Maybe you don’t need what you think you want. Maybe you need to open up more. Maybe your wants are so defined and so rigid that there’s no room for something better, which may be what you need.

We all deserve love. If what you’re doing isn’t working, you have to do something different. The choice is up to you. Happy dating.