Seems simple enough, a nice cup of coffee. What could be difficult about that? However when you’re holidaying in Italy, be it cosmopolitan Milan, picturesque Tuscany or the romantic Amalfi coastline, the heady aroma of freshly roasted coffee beans mixed with Vespa fumes filling the air, just nipping into the local bar for a quick coffee can turn into a veritable minefield of choices.

Our handy, guide to the “The Coffee Jungle” should help you survive. Don’t leave home without it!

First decision – where to drink your coffee!

Standing up at the bar costs less. Sitting down with waiter service costs more. Watch out for “friendly” waiters who usher you over to a table and offer to serve you, it will cost you!

In the big cities or airports you are expected to pay first before ordering. In smaller towns and villages it works on trust, order first, pay later (obviously it helps if you can speak enough of the lingo to explain that you had one of those long, sgwidgy things with the custard inside! After a few days you’ll become a dab hand at miming a jam doughnut!)

Next, the big one, the 64 million dollar question! What type of coffee??

Cappuccino – (KA-POO-CHEE-NO) I know you think you’re looking dead cool standing there at the bar feeling all windswept and continental, in your new holiday trousers and special offer, clip on shades. You may think it could almost be a scene from “The Godfather” but at any time after 9 o’clock in the morning, if you order a cappuccino you may as well have “I’m a foreigner” tattooed on your forehead. Imagine if your Italian friend came to Britain and ordered a big mug of Ovaltine or Horlicks with their roast beef lunch. No reason why they shouldn’t but………. Get the gist!

But you’re on holiday….. you do what you want and who cares if the barman sniggers as he serves you!

Caffe or Espresso – (KA-FEY) What the locals drink. Not a drink meant for lingering over. In Italy it’s considered more a of very quick, refueling stop. Like drinking out of a dolls house set of cups and saucers. Order this and you get a thimble sized cup of very strong black coffee. In many bars, especially in the South of Italy, you are given a small glass of water with your coffee, (softens the caffeine “jolt”, this is not a drink for the faint hearted). Caffè is also considered the proper, after dinner choice. God forbid anyone who tries to order tea after dinner, you’d be asked if you were feeling ill, most Italians consider tea something you would drink to calm an upset stomach.

There are a number of interesting variations on the standard caffè depending on just how “local” you want to go!

Caffe macchiato – (KA-FEY MAK-EE-A-TOE) has a dash of milk added.

Caffe ristretto – (REE-STRET-OH) has even less water added meaning the coffee is even stronger.

Caffe lungo – (KA-FEY LOONG-GO) has extra water added (ie a full thimbleful!)

Caffe freddo – (KA-FEY FRAY-DOH) cold coffee, if you are in need of a pick me up in summer it can be refreshing. If you are feeling brave, ask to have it “shakerato”, using a cocktail shaker, can cause quite a stir in a busy bar at breakfast time.

Caffe corretto – (KA-FEY KAW-REY-TOE) if you’re really feeling like throwing caution to the wind and getting into the holiday mood try a “corretto”, which is caffè with a shot of local firewater added (usually Grappa but could also be brandy or any thing you fancy really) After one of these you’ll never again order another after dinner cappuccino!

Caffe hag – (KA-FEY AAG) If you’re into decaf ask for this, you’ll get decaf even though it probably won’t be Hag.

Caffe Americano – (KA-FEY A-ME-REE-KA-NO) only found in big cities in touristy areas. About the nearest you’ll get to a real proper cup of Nescafe! Be warned, usually tastes like warm dish water, bit like Ne…!

In recent times, some bars, in an effort to be seen as “trendy” have started offering such things as barley coffee, ginseng coffee etc but, be honest, did you come all the way to “Bel Italia” to miss out on the real thing?

So that’s it, armed with this info, you should now feel able to enter any bar under the Tuscan sun, or anywhere else in Italy for that matter.

But remember, be careful, it’s a jungle out there!