Have you had the opportunity to see the movie “Courageous?” I had the chance to see it last weekend at the theatre and highly recommend it. In case you are not familiar with the movie, I have included a brief description taken from CBN.com:

THE MOVIE IN A MINUTE

“Police officers Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused on the job as they serve and protect their community. That same drive fades at the end of the day when they face their biggest challenge – fatherhood. Being a “good enough” father doesn’t cut it when tragedy strikes and these four men’s faith are tested. When secrets are revealed and life becomes unbearable, they must draw closer to God and their families to survive.”

I admit the acting is not what you see in your average Hollywood movie, but the message makes up for it. When Adam Mitchell’s 9-year old daughter dies in a car accident he struggles with his faith, regrets as a father, which leads him to take a closer look at himself. On his path of healing and recovery, Adam dives into the Word of God with a desire to learn what God has to say about being a father.

Adam realizes he has not been doing a very good job of leading his family, pro-actively instilling Godly values in his children, and allowing his work to be a priority over quality time with his wife and kids. He now understands how short life can be and his need to step out of his comfort zone to be the father and leader of his family that God has called him to be. Adam creates a “Resolution” document based on what he believes God calls him to be as a father. He shares the “Resolution” with his core group of friends and asks them to hold him accountable for the declarations in the “Resolution.” As a sign of his commitment he prepares to sign the document in front of his friends.

As police officers, they are aware that children who grow up without a father, or with an abusive father are more likely to commit crimes, do drugs, wind up in gangs. Each of the men from their own experience with their father, and/or as a father, realizes their need to have the courage to step up and be the man, the leader, the father, God has called them to be.

When Adam starts to share his revelations on fatherhood, one of his friends says; “You’re a good enough, dad.” Adam’s response is, I don’t want to be a “good enough dad.”

Sometimes it takes loss, the death of a loved one, or a divorce, for us to examine our life and ask ourselves important questions:

Do I have any regrets concerning my relationship with the loved one, or my spouse?

Is there something I wish I would have done differently?

If so, how can I use this experience to change?

What action will I take to avoid regret in the future?

Was I spending my time wisely? Were my priorities in the right order?

Did the person know that I loved them? How did I show them? Did I tell them?

Below are 7 lessons single parents can take from the movie Courageous and consider for their families:

1. Single parents need to step up and be the leader of their household. Single parents have no control over the other parent and how they choose to parent. This means if you are a single mom, you are responsible for the values you instill in your children. You are the leader, the disciplinarian, the rule maker for your home. Children need structure, rules and a leader in both homes.

2. Father’s play an important role in children’s lives. If your children do not have their father in their life, or if he is a poor role model (has an addiction problem, mental illness, criminal, etc.) then find a man you respect, trust, and believe would be a positive role model for your children, and ask him if he might be willing to spend time with your child(ren). You might find a male role model/mentor at church, youth groups, school, a teacher, coach, instructor, co-worker, neighbor, relative, father of one of your children’s friends, or Big Brothers program might be places to find someone.

3. Have the courage to co-parent without conflict. One of the best things you can do as a single parent for your kids is to co-parent without conflict. You may not like your ex, but that is not your children’s fault. It may feel like a huge sacrifice to be the bigger person and avoid conflict, but it is the sacrifice you need to make for your children. Your children deserve it and are worth it.

4. As single parents you can feel overwhelmed with all of your responsibilities. If you are not careful you can find ourselves operating in survival mode. Be intentional about healing and getting healthy after your divorce. Your children need you to be healthy and present for them. It’s never too late to do your work to heal and recover from your divorce.

5. Having support is important. Don’t be afraid to get help if you are struggling. Surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. Avoid people who are negative, add fuel to the flame, bad mouth your ex, and encourage you to be angry, resentful and seek revenge. Ask people for their support, let them know your plan/goals and ask them to hold you accountable.

6. Take an interest in your children and their interests. Spend “quality” time with them doing something they enjoy doing, or take up a hobby, sport, or activity you both enjoy doing together. If your children are asking for you to spend time with them and you find yourself always too busy, you need to let some things go and make the time. On the other hand, if your children don’t seem to be interested or asking you to spend time with them, why not? Have they given up because you are always too busy? You take the lead.

7. What is your vision for your family and your children? What do you want for your children and their future? What are you doing to make it happen? If you don’t have a vision, a plan, why not? Are you just hoping that they will turn out okay and stay out of trouble? Now is the time you have them, to help them to grow up, to lead them and guide them and be their parent. Use this time wisely.

You may be a single parent, but don’t let that stop you from being the parent your children deserve, the parent that God has called you to be. Decide to take time to answer the questions raised in this article. Create a plan/vision for yourself and your children, identify the steps you need to take, set realistic goals and determine to be intentional and courageous in reaching your goals for your family.